Do you or a loved one cheer for a
terrible football team? Perhaps a football team that was not supposed
to be so terrible, but is? Then make use of this helpful guide for
dealing with loss. Specifically football losses. Specifically
embarrassing football losses at the Cotton Bowl to Oklahoma.
The first half of the 2012 season
featured plenty of denial, but ever since the Longhorns' collapse in
Dallas, UT fans have displayed all of the remaining four stages of
grief: anger (I'm done...it's time for Mack to go), bargaining (What record will it take
for you to give Mack one more year?), depression (Read this and weep) and even a bit of acceptance (Can we
move on – more football to play). But before your depression spirals back
into anger and into depression again, here are ten helpful tips.
1. Think Less About Bowl Prestige
and More About Bowl Destinations
Are there six teams in the Big 12
better than Texas? Yes? Well, you're in luck, my friend. The No. 7
team in the conference goes to the New Era Pinstripe Bowl. A terrible
Texas football team is your excuse to vacation in New York City. If
the Longhorns only win two more games – and with Kansas still on
the schedule one's already in the bag – then Yankee stadium is
their likely destination.
And sure, being the No. 4 Big 12 team
is better than being the No. 5, but maybe San Diego makes for a
better trip than Tempe. Just sayin'.
2. Focus on the Future
This is a young team. Yes, UT has been
saying that for two years now, but it's true. David Ash is only a
sophomore. Assuming his left hand doesn't fall off, his performance
down the stretch will be an important indicator of the Longhorns'
chances next season.
Luke Poehlmann is the only senior
offensive lineman. Jeremy Hills is the only senior running back. Alex
Okafor is the only senior defensive lineman. Kenny Vaccaro is the
only senior defensive back and, for what it's worth, there are no
senior linebackers.
3. Everyone in the country is
terrible. Seriously. Everyone.*
If you're going to be terrible at
football, what a year to be terrible.
CBS is currently projecting USC to make
it to the national championship game, a USC team that gave up 29
points to Syracuse. Heck, San Jose State scored more points against
Stanford than USC did.
The current No. 2 team in the BCS
standings is Florida. Yes, Florida. As in “let's hope we can get
this field goal so we can out-last Bowling Green” Florida. That
Florida.
Wisconsin, Michigan and Michigan State
are all terrible, meaning the best team in the Big Ten, Ohio State,
isn't allowed to win the Big Ten.
The Big 12 is a nightmare. Kansas
State is the only undefeated team and the Wildcats barely escaped
Ames, Iowa. West Virginia's offense was supposedly unstoppable and it
ran into a buzz-saw at Texas Tech. If there's a year to be bad, it's
this one. The Longhorns may be terrible at football, but they're not
getting lapped by anyone in this year's Big 12.
[*Offer does not apply to Alabama.
Void where prohibited.]
4. It's Okay to Daydream
Listen, Mack's not getting fired. Not
right now, anyway. The administration has his back. More importantly,
the big donors have his back. For example, Red McCombs told the San
Antonio Express-News “Mack Brown has earned the right to determine
when and how he
leaves.”
But you can still think about what
Texas would be like with someone else at the reins. Eric Nahlin has
done so here – Exercise in Futility: Thoughts on Possible and
Impossible Coaches.
Looking at the pool of coaches
Texas actually has to pick from, maybe Mack starts to look a little better. Or
not. Still, doesn't hurt.
5. Other Sports Exist
I know that football is the lifeblood
of this state. Most Texas high schools would cut English before they
cut football. But Texas basketball is just three weeks away. If this
young team can come together and...
Oh, you're angry at Rick
Barnes for poor postseason play?
No matter. There's also the exciting
Texas baseball team. They...
Oh, you're angry at Augie
Garrido for poor postseason play?
Well, men's golf just won a national
championship. So there's that. And if you want to cheer for a team
that in the last 30 years hasn't finished lower than No. 7 in the
nation, there's always swimming and diving. I guess.
6. What Am I Even Doing?
Focus on bowl destination? Watch
another sport? What am I saying? HOW DOES ANY OF THIS HELP? How
could this have even happened? Even when OU has blown out Texas it
didn't look like this. And those OU teams were national
championship contenders, not “let's struggle with UTEP because we
can't find five offensive linemen.”
7. Arrrrrrrrgghhh
How could you not fill the gap when–
How can you not stop a fullback who– If you would just try to run
zone– How did the worst OU defensive line in years get– Is a
first down too much to– arrrrrrrrrrggghhh
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9.…
…
10. ...I'm Alright
Sorry. I'm fine.
It's bad, folks. Don't know what else
to tell you. It's all kinds of bad.
Just...show up Saturday. Wear orange.
Cheer. Hope for the best.
That's all I got.
